Polished Halos and Dirtied Souls
by marlyp
Summary: Just a little story about Happy finding some peace.
1. Chapter 1

**This is totall AU or whatever you want to call it. I could never come up with a story as good as the writers of SOA do, so I won't even try. This will just be a little story about Happy finding some happiness. And, I have always been fascinated with the characters of Otto and Luann and I am peeved that they killed Luann off. Oh well. The title comes from an Uncle Kracker song and I have always wanted to use it, so there it is. I totally take my inspirations from music and there were quite a few songs that inspired this little story. If you are interested just let me know and I will send you the playlist. Almost forgot....I own nothing, just playing. All mistakes are my own.**

Jessie took a deep breath and smoothed her hair away from her face as she waited for the guard to open the door to the visiting room. It didn't matter that she had been doing this monthly visit for years now. It didn't matter that all of the guards knew her by name. It didn't even matter that most of the inmates knew her name. Going behind bars still made her nervous and she could feel the apprehension building as the door swung open.

"There you go, Miss Jessie. Your Daddy's waiting on you over there." Jessie glanced to where he was pointing and smiled at the sight of her big, scary looking father drumming his fingers on the table in front of him. "Hey, Otto, your baby girl is here" the guard called out as he let Jessie through the door.

Jessie made her way through the crowded room to where her father was waiting. He stood as she approached and enveloped her in his embrace. Physical contact was frowned upon, but the guards always managed to be looking the other way when the big man wanted to hug his daughter. Jessie relaxed into the comfort of her Daddy and closed her eyes as she inhaled his scent. She blinked back the tears as he pulled away to look at her. She never wanted him to see her cry, even though she knew he was always aware of her tears.

"Sit down, let's talk about it" Otto said as he reached over and pulled a chair out for her.

Jessie sat in the offered chair and watched as Otto sat in the one across the table from her and crossed his arms on the table in front of him. The tears threatened to spill over again when she saw the tattoo of her mother's name engraved on his arm. She took a large, shaky breath and stretched her arm across the table to trace a fingertip over the letters. "I just can't believe that she's gone. She was supposed to always be there." She sighed in frustration. "I just feel so bad for being away for so many years, for not listening when she asked me to come home. I can't tell you how many times I blew her and Gemma off when they would call and try to get me to visit." She looked down at her finger still tracing the letters on his arm and then raised her eyes to meet his. "The worst part is that I've never really been happy in the world away from the club, I've never fit in anywhere no matter how hard I try. I'm just so tired of hiding who I am." She placed her arms on the table in between them with her forearms up. "I'm tired of hiding these and then having to explain them when someone sees them. I'm just so tired."

Otto picked up her small hands in his own and traced the tattoos gracing her inner wrists with his thumbs. On the right one was an intricate crow with his name in one of the wings and on the left was a wild, thorny rose twined around Luann's name. He remembered the day that she had gotten the tattoos as if it was yesterday and the memory pierced his heart like a knife. She had left for college two days later, taking nothing but her own memories with her. He allowed himself a small smile as her remembered her explanation for the tattoos. She was leaving Charming but her parents would always be with her. It was her way of telling the Outlaw Biker and the Porn Queen that she loved them, no matter what. "Jessie, baby, your Mom knew how much you loved her and so do I. We both knew that you had to leave; we just didn't know if you would ever be back. We understood. I guess we should have told you that a long time ago."

"I just get so overwhelmed when I think of all the things I've lost in the last eight years. I would have never left if I knew then what I know now. I feel like I've wasted my life. I wasted all that time that I could have spent with you and Mom and I don't think I have enough to show for it. It just doesn't feel worth it."

Otto listened to her, letting her get it all out in a rush before her said anything. "Take a breath, baby girl." He took both of her hands into one of his and used his free hand to caress her cheek. "I want you to listen to me now. You need to quit being scared of what you are. You are the daughter of a convict and a porn queen and there is nothing wrong about that, nothing that makes you a bad person. Learn to deal with it, without feeling sorry for yourself. And quit running away." He pulled her closer to him and met her eyes. "I need you to be strong for me now. I know it shouldn't be your responsibility, but it is. You have to be my eyes and ears in Charming now, you have to carry on for the family and keep our interests alive. I haven't put in all of these years to have it turn into nothing."

Jessie looked down at their clasped hands and contemplated what he had just said. "You're right. Tell me what you want me to do"

BREAK

Jessie spent the drive to Charming thinking about all of the things that Otto had said. She wrestled with her doubts and insecurities and wondered if she could live up to the responsibility that he had given her. As darkness fell and she got closer to her childhood home she finally concluded that her father, as usual, was right. She decided to do the only thing that made any sense. She would follow his instructions to the best of her ability. She would live her life as the daughter of an Outlaw Biker and a Porn Queen and she would never apologize for it again.

It was completely dark by the time she pulled into the lot at Teller-Morrow and from the looks of things SAMCRO was in full party mode. For the second time that day, she smoothed her hair down and took a deep breath to calm her nerves before she exited the car. A sudden tapping on the window made her jump. She smiled when she saw Gemma on the other side and opened the door. She was barely out of the car before Gemma grabbed her, pulling her into a hug. She felt tears sting her eyes once again as she put her arms around Gemma and returned the hug. She wiped a few stray tears away when Gemma released her and smiled at the other woman when she saw her do the same thing.

"Damn, it's sure good to see you. I should kick your ass for staying away for so long." Gemma took her arm and led her to a table of women. "You better meet the girls before Jax and Opie figure out you're here. You probably remember Tara and this is Lyla."

Jessie exchanged a hug with Tara and smiled at the other woman. "Tara Knowles, you are the last person I expected to see here. Didn't we swear on the sacred Barbie doll that we would leave and never come back?"

Tara laughed as she gave Jessie another hug. "Some things are just meant to be. I just wish we were both back here under better circumstances." She lowered her voice and leaned closer to Jessie "I won't tell the sacred Barbie if you don't."

Jessie sat down at the picnic table beside the woman that Gemma had called Lyla and waited for Tara to sit down beside Gemma before she spoke. "I've missed you guys so much. I want to apologize for staying away for so long and for disappearing out of your lives." She had more to say but stopped when Gemma held up a hand to quiet her.

"Sweetie you don't have anything to apologize for. This life isn't for everyone and we all have to come to terms with it in our own time. I'm just glad you came home so we can all deal with this together; we need each other more than ever now." She put her arm around Tara and held out a hand for Lyla to take. "Tonight we celebrate life and love while we have the chance. Okay?"

"Okay" Jessie said.

"Good answer" Gemma replied. "You children talk amongst yourselves; I'm going to find Clay." The three girls watched as she walked towards the clubhouse.

"Why do I always feel shell shocked after five minutes with her?" Lyla asked after a moment.

Tara and Jessie exchanged amused glances. "You're not the only one, trust me" Jessie said. "You'd think that after my Mom we wouldn't be easily scared but there's always been something about Gemma, even when we were kids. My Mom was fierce but Gemma could always make her seem like "Susie Homemaker"."

"I'm just glad that she's gotten over the urge to kill me," Tara said.

"What is the deal with that?" Jessie asked. "I never thought I would see you guys this chummy."

"We've bonded" Tara replied, "but it's something that Gemma will have to tell you about herself." Her eyes widened as she looked over Jessie and Lyla's shoulders. "Uh-oh, brace yourself. We've been spotted by Jax and Opie and it doesn't look good for you Jessie."

Jessie put her hands on the top of the table to stand up, but before she could get upright, she was grabbed by two strong arms and thrown over a shoulder. "Harry Winston, you let me down right now. I mean it." Jessie shrieked as she was carried towards the clubhouse.

"Not gonna happen" Opie replied. "Hey Jax, some help here."

Jessie had been away for many years but she knew that some things remain the same and she braced herself for what was coming. "Oh no you don't. We are too old for a Jessie sandwich. Put me down." Opie set her down in front of Jax but before she could say another word she was crushed between them. Giving into the inevitable, she relaxed into the comforting embrace of her childhood friends. When they finally released her, she tried her best to hide the tears on her face. "I'm sorry; I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been crying all day."

Opie handed her a bandana from his pocket and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. "It's okay."

Jax watched her silently until she looked up to meet his eyes. "It's good to see you Jessie. It's starting to feel like old times around here." He slung an arm around her shoulders and put his other one around Tara's waist. "Me and Opie better go home and hide our hot-wheels."

"I can't believe you remember that" Jessie said as Tara burst out laughing from his other side.

"You two scarred me for life. Every time I make Tara mad I go out and make sure the wheels are still on my motorcycle."

From behind them, Jessie could hear Opie explaining to Lyla. "Jessie and Tara were little hellions when we were kids and whenever we made them mad they would steal all the wheels off of our hot-wheel cars. Made us so mad but we never could find them."

Jessie heard Lyla laugh as she said, "Well, that explains all the toy cars without wheels in the box under the stairs."

"We always held out hope that they would give the wheels back someday," Jax said as Opie and Lyla moved up to walk beside them.

"Play your cards right and we might be able to work something out" Tara told him as they entered the clubhouse.

The next few hours were a blur as Jessie reunited with all of the old SAMCRO members and met some of the new ones. All of the smiling and reminiscing had taken its toll on her and when Jessie found herself alone for a moment she went outside for some much needed air. She sat down on one of the picnic tables and looked up at the stars. She blew out a breath of air and let her head fall back; she could feel the beginnings of a tension headache.

"Looking a little lonely there. You want someone new to talk to?" Jessie raised her head to see the person who belonged to the gravely voice. It was the one that Jax had introduced as Happy. His presence unexpectedly took her breath away and she had to struggle to find her voice.

"What I really want is a ride," Jessie said. She didn't know why she said that but she realized that it was the truth. She wanted to be on the back of a bike with the wind whipping around her. She wanted to rush through black silence with only the rumble of the bike in her ears.

Happy looked at her for just a second before he said "Wait here, I'll be right back."

He was back in just a few minutes with a jacket for himself and one for Jessie. He silently held the jacket out to Jessie and waited as she shrugged into it. Once she had it zipped, he handed her a helmet. She looked at it and immediately recognized it. "This is my helmet. Where did you get this?"

Happy shrugged "Been in the cabinet under the bar for years, has your name in it."

Jessie smiled as she buckled the helmet on "Thanks." She watched as he settled onto the bike before he turned and held out a hand to her. Using his arm for support, Jessie sat behind him and placed her feet on the small pegs that he flipped out for her.

"Sorry, I don't have a back bar. I don't have many passengers." Happy told her over his shoulder.

"That's okay, I can hang" Jessie replied.

"All right, let's go then" Happy said as he put the Harley into gear.

Some time and many miles later Jessie felt the bike slow and looked over Happy's shoulder to see that they were pulling into an all night diner. Somehow, in the course of the ride, she had moved closer to Happy and her old habit of hooking her fingers into the belt loops of the person in front of her had reappeared. She was suddenly very aware of his solid presence in front of her, she could feel the muscles in his back and legs flexing as he brought the motorcycle to a halt in front of the diner. When she went to get off the bike Happy reached back to put his hands on her thighs, stopping her movement. "Wait a minute," he said as he stood and pulled his leg over the bike to stand beside her. "It's been a long time since you rode, let me help you."

Jessie smiled gratefully when he grasped her arm and helped her off the Harley. She stood on shaky legs and removed her helmet, placing it on the seat of the bike. As her legs came back to life, she realized an urgent need to pee. She raised her eyes to Happy and saw him smirking at her. He pointed to the door "Inside and to the right. I'll be right behind you."

Without waiting for him, Jessie made a mad dash for the restroom. After finishing her business and washing her hands and face, she felt much better as she made her way to the back booth where Happy was sitting.

She slid into the booth across from him and wrapped her hands around the coffee mug that was sitting there. They sat together in companionable silence for a few minutes before Jessie spoke. "Thanks for stopping, how did you know I would need to?"

"Hell, my ass was starting to hurt so I figured yours had to be" Happy said.

Jessie searched his eyes for a few minutes trying to figure him out. Something drew him to her. He had a calming silence around him, as he never needed to talk just to fill a void. A thought suddenly occurred to her. "Am I keeping you from something or someone? Do you need to go back?"

Happy gave her a small smile as he replied, "Got nowhere I need to be or no one I need to be with. Right here is just fine." He took a sip of his coffee and looked out at the night. "I love riding at night. It makes me feel free."

"I know what you mean" Jessie told him. "Dad used to take me on night rides; it was one of my favorite things." She fiddled with the spoon beside her coffee cup for a few moments before she spoke again. "I hope I didn't bother you tonight, I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable."

Happy cocked his head to the side and looked at her for so long that she started to get uncomfortable before he replied. "I've never felt that good with a woman on my bike. You fit."

They sat in an easy silence while they finished their coffee. After paying the check they made their way back outside to the motorcycle. Jessie stopped beside the bike and looked up to find Happy looking at her with an intense look in his eyes. He placed his hand behind her neck and pulled her closer to him. "I'm gonna kiss you. Say no now, it's your last chance."

Jessie felt her heart hammering in her chest and knew that she would be unable to say no even if her life depended on it. She reached up, put her hand behind his neck, and pulled him down to her so she could whisper in his ear. "I'm gonna kiss you and you better not say no."

With a growl, he brought his other hand up to tangle in her hair and his lips descended upon hers in a rough, demanding kiss. Jessie let herself be swept away by his lips on hers and she kissed him until she was breathless. When they finally broke apart, they were both gasping for breath and Jessie rested her forehead on his chest while she pulled much needed oxygen into her lungs. She started laughing and lifted her head to see him smiling down at her. "Wow, I didn't see that one coming. Did you?"

"If someone had told me I would be kissing Big Otto's daughter tonight, I would have laughed at 'em." He tucked a stray hair behind her ear and ran his fingers through the tangled mess that was flowing down her back. "Okay, here's the deal. We're a long way from Charming but only a few hours from somewhere I would like to show you. Either way is fine with me, you decide."

She rested her hands on the front of his jacket as she thought about what he had just said. If she was honest with herself she would have to admit that sleeping with Happy was inevitable, just a matter of time. She met his eyes as she tugged on his cut. "This jacket means that I am safe with you, I know that and I need you to know that. Whatever I do, I do because it's what I want. I am Luann's daughter, ya know." She backed away from him to put on her jacket and helmet. She settled herself on the back of the seat and patted the space in front of her. "Let's go."

Happy held her eyes as he buckled his helmet and she could see the wheels turning in his head. He straddled the bike, turned the key and reached back for her hands. He pulled her arms around him and said "I think we're way past polite."

Jessie locked her arms around his waist and closed her eyes. She let herself get lost in the moment. Lost in the feeling of the air rushing around her, the rough leather under her hands and, most of all, the man she was holding onto. A short while later she opened her eyes as the bike slowed.

"Gotta get some gas," Happy said as he came to a stop beside some pumps. He pulled a cell phone out of his jacket pocket and handed it to her. "You should call Gemma so she won't worry. On a night like this she'll still be up."

Jessie took the phone and scrolled through the numbers until she found one for Gemma. She watched Happy fill the tank as she waited for Gemma to answer. She was in the middle of her conversation with Gemma when he finished, and she could see that he was hesitating before leaving her to go inside and pay. She put her hand over the phone and told him "Go pay. I'm a big girl; I can take care of myself."

By the time he returned, she had finished talking to Gemma. She had assured the older woman that she knew what she was doing and after a few warnings, Gemma had finally relented and wished her good luck. In typical Gemma fashion, she had ended the call with the hope that a good lay would put some things into perspective for her young friend. Jessie was still sitting on the back of the motorcycle when he approached and she knew that she must look like a crazy person, sitting there grinning like a loon.

Happy looked at her, raised one eyebrow, and said "Advice from Gemma?"

Jessie nodded her head and replied, "You have no idea."

BREAK

Another hour into the ride brought them far away from city lights into deserted countryside. Jessie had long ago relaxed into Happy's back, oblivious to where they were going and she was slightly startled when he slowed the bike and turned onto a dirt lane. Happy reached back and ran his hand from her hip to her knee and said "Hang on, this is a little bumpy."

Jessie tightened her knees around him as they made their way down a tiny, rutted path. With only the small headlight for illumination, she could not see much. Her eyes widened in amazement when they finally emerged into a clearing. In the middle of about a million trees she saw a tiny Airstream trailer. When Happy brought the bike to a stop she was still looking around in awe. He switched the engine off, they were engulfed in totally dark silence, and she was grateful when Happy made no move to get off the bike or speak. After a few minutes of silence, Happy placed his hands on hers where they were gripping his front belt loops. "Is this your thing?"

Jessie tried to jerk her hands away but he stopped her movement. "Didn't say I don't like it. Just curious" Happy said as he let her loose and helped her off the bike.

Jessie shrugged her shoulders and said, "It's something I've always done. I think my Dad taught me that when I was little. He was always afraid that I would fall off and my arms have always been too short to go all the way around him. It's a habit." She laughed at an old memory. "Opie hates it for some reason but Jax thinks it's cute."

"Spend a lot of time on the back of Opie's bike?" Happy asked as he walked towards the trailer. "Wait right there, I'll get some lights."

"Didn't you know that I was once madly in love with Opie? We were gonna take over the world and live happily ever after." Jessie said from her place beside the bike.

Happy's voice came from inside the trailer "Is that right? Do I need to worry about that?"

"Well, the thing is, I turned seven and then I thought boys were icky. It just wasn't the same between us after that." Jessie smiled at the memories of her childhood crush on the big, burly, biker. She smiled even wider when the lights on the front of the trailer came on and she could actually see. She saw a small deck festooned with rope lights and two old Adirondack chairs. She made her way towards the trailer and met Happy in the doorway. He took her hand and pulled her into his embrace. "It's a good thing, I like Opie and all but I don't think I could stop right now." He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her as he reached around her to close the door. "I'll give you the tour tomorrow," he said as he grasped her around the waist and lifted her off the floor.

Jessie instinctively put her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips as he carried her towards the back of the trailer where she had spotted the bed. She expected him to toss her on the bed and she was surprised when he didn't loosen his hold on her. He cradled her head in his hands and sank down with her onto the bed. When he pulled away to sit up, Jessie watched him in the gloom of the trailer as he pulled the t-shirt over his head and tossed it aside. Jessie had suspected that he was covered with tattoos and she was not disappointed. She sat up and ran her hands over the many tattoos covering his chest and shoulders. "Just for the record. I love tattoos. Love them, love them, and love them." She moved so she was straddling his lap, giving her a good view of his ink. She brought her hands up to encircle his neck as she lowered her head to capture his lips with hers. She felt his hands under her shirt and broke the kiss long enough to pull it over her head and toss it in the vicinity where he had tossed his. She felt a moment of shyness when she sat in front on him in only a bra, but the look he gave her silenced that thought. His gaze roamed over her breasts as his hands moved to her back and released the clasp. As he pulled the straps down her arms his lips descended upon hers again and soon Jessie forgot all about being shy.

"You have too many clothes on," Happy said as he moved her so she was flat on the bed.

"So, what are you gonna do about that?" Jessie inquired as she tried to sit up.

Happy shook his head at her and pushed her back on the bed. He moved to the end of the bed and removed her boots and socks. After taking off his own boots and socks, he crawled up her body and unsnapped her jeans, sliding them down her legs. He cocked an eyebrow at her "Commando?"

She shrugged "I hate underwear." She smiled at his expression and went to work on his belt. "I hate having to pull it out of places it has no business being." She finished with the belt and unsnapped his jeans.

When she started to pull the zipper down, he grabbed her hand and said, "Stop. You're killin' me here." He rolled them so that she was mostly under him with her hands in his over their heads. "I'm not in the mood for a quickie," he whispered in her ear before he sat up to straddle her hips with his knees. Before she knew what was happening he had turned her so that she was lying on her stomach. She could feel his fingers as they traced the large tattoo that covered most of her back. "I could see some of this through your t-shirt. It's beautiful. What does it mean?"

Jessie gathered her thoughts as she felt his lips moving over the tattoo. "The broken, mended heart with wings is me. I just got the rose added last week, for Luann. My Dad always called her his wild rose and Rose is my middle name."

Happy turned her over so that she was facing him again and pulled her hands towards him. He turned them so that he could kiss her inner wrists and said, "Just for the record, I love tattoos. Love them, love them and love them, Jessica Rose."

Jessie felt tears sting her eyes once again, but she quickly forgot about them when Happy began to make love to her with fervor, as if he was worshipping her body. Some time later, she began to beg for mercy, even though she was starting to believe that she would never be able to get enough of him. She lay limply under him and pushed at his chest "I really have to pee, Happy. Seriously. I am not kidding here."

He laughed into her shoulder and rolled away from her. "Gotta go too, just don't know if I can make it that far." He watched in amazement as Jessie crawled over him, opened the small bathroom door and sat down to pee.

"What?" Jessie said as she looked around for some toilet paper. "Like you said earlier, I think we're a little past polite." She wrinkled her nose in thought "Make that a lot past polite." On her way back to the bed, she snagged his t-shirt from the floor and tossed him his jeans. "I need food. You got anything here?"

The thought of food spurred Happy into action and he soon joined Jessie in searching the cabinets for a meal. They carried their hastily put together meal out to the deck and ate as the sun started peeking over the trees. After she finished her crackers and canned peaches, Jessie got up and snuggled into Happy's lap to watch the last of the sunrise. He folded his arms around her and rested his chin on her head as they sat in silence, enjoying the beauty of the morning. After a few too many minutes of silence, Happy realized that Jessie was sound asleep. He stood with her in his arms and took her to the bed. After laying her down, he stripped off his jeans and joined her. He folded her into his arms and they slept the day away.


	2. Chapter 2

**I know the relationship might seem like it evolved really quickly but it is possible. I went on one date with my husband and we were married 1 month later, 12 years ago. I have this concept that Happy takes what he wants and that Jessie is not a wishy-washy girl so in my mind it wouldn't take them long to decide that they wanted to be together. So there you have it. Still own absolutely nothing, just playing. I would like to own Happy, that would make me happy. All mistakes are my own. **

Jessie awoke to long shadows and the scent of cigarette smoke clouding the air. A look around revealed Happy sitting at the small table, shrouded in darkness. Without a word, Jessie sat up and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders; she was comfortable sitting in his silence thinking her own thoughts. They sat like that until the shadows were gone and the only illumination came from the rope lights strung around the deck outside.

"I've killed people" Happy's voice cut the silence, pulling Jessie from her thoughts.

Jessie nodded even though she knew he couldn't see her. "I know."

"I'll do it again, if it's needed."

"I know" Jessie replied. She shrugged the blanket off her shoulders and walked quietly towards the glow of his cigarette.

"Stop."

Something in his voice made Jessie obey. She backed up until she was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I need you to listen and understand. I'm not moonlight and roses and never will be. I kill people, that's who I am." Jessie heard the rattle of the ashtray as he ground out the butt. "I don't have goodness to give and I don't deserve it."

Jessie remained on the edge of the bed as she thought about his words and tried to read between the lines. "Okay, I hear you. Now you listen to me. I'm a little over tired and I'm a little overwhelmed, that is my life right now. I'm weary of the world and I don't trust easily. I know how to give my body but I have no clue how to give my heart." She approached him cautiously and when he made no resistance, she sat down at the small table. She could see him looking at her in the gloom so she continued. She placed her arm on the table between them with the crow tattoo facing up. "Do you know what this means, what it really means?" She continued before he had a chance to reply; she knew she was throwing a lot of words at him but she couldn't seem to stop the flow. "At first glance it's just my Dad, but it is so much more than that. It means that I am a part of SAMCRO, I have it in my blood and my soul. It is everything that my Mom and Dad believed in…" She trailed off, searching for the words to say what she wanted him to hear. "I have lost so much but I am still unbroken and it will take a lot more than you to break me."

Out of the darkness, his hand took hers and like Otto the day before, he rubbed his thumb over the tattoo on her wrist. "I don't even know you, not really, but I want you, so bad." He tugged on her hand, bringing her around to his side of the table to sit on his lap. "You should run as fast and as far as you can from me."

Jessie laughed as he ran his hand up and down her arm making her shiver. "I've never been good at taking advice. Ask my Dad, he'll tell you."

They sat together in the darkness, each thinking their own thoughts until Jessie's stomach rumbled in hunger. "That brings up a decision we have to make. Do you want to head back to Charming or stay here? I'm good either way. Do you need to get back to do anything for Luann?"

She shook her head. "No. They haven't released her body yet, it'll probably be another week or so. I don't know. I can't get a straight answer. So no, I have no place better to be. Besides, when they do release her, I have everything already set it motion. All I have to do is show up. What about you? Don't you have club business or something to attend to?"

"That's the beauty of being nomad; I come and go when I want. Clay knows how to get in touch if he needs me." He stood with her in his arms and sat her down on the bed. He sat down beside her and reached for his boots. "If we're gonna stay, I need to go get some food before we starve. Do you wanna go or wait here?"

"I'll stay here. I want to take a shower and rinse my clothes out." Jessie replied.

Happy nodded "Okay." He reached under the bed and brought out a shotgun. "Know how to use this?" He laughed at Jessie's expression. "All right, stupid question. Keep it by you while I'm gone."

He stood up and put his jacket on before pulling her into a bone-melting kiss. They stood locked together for a few minutes until Jessie pulled back and looked up at him. "I will never lie to you and I will keep all of your secrets," she whispered as she released him and stepped back.

Happy searched her face before he nodded. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her once more before leaving the trailer. His voice came from outside. "Keep the gun near you, I mean it."

By the time he returned Jessie had managed to take a shower in the tiny bathroom and had her jeans and t-shirt hanging over one of the chairs on the deck to dry. She had rummaged around in various drawers and compartments until she had found an old thermal top and some sweats to wear. Further rummaging had produced a rubber band for her hair.

Happy pulled up at the trailer and had to smile at the sight that greeted him. Jessie sat curled in a chair on the deck, wearing his old clothes with the shotgun across her lap. With her face scrubbed clean and her hair up in a messy bun, she looked better than any sweet-butt he had ever seen. In that moment, he decided to throw caution and good sense to the wind. He would take whatever she was offering and give all that he could.

Jessie looked Happy in the eyes as he walked up the steps and started talking. "I am a bitch in the mornings before at least three cups of coffee, I don't think anyone should ever cry alone, I will use your razor to shave my legs, I like sappy movies, I hate drugs and I'm a sarcastic drunk."

Happy walked past her to put the supplies up, listening to her speech with a smile on his face. He returned to the deck and leaned against the railing. "I hate oatmeal, every thing I own has a grease stain on it, I hate drugs, I never do my own laundry, I can't tell you the difference between Bob Dylan and Bob Seeger and I just like to drink." He leaned down, put his hands on the arms of the chair and whispered in her ear "Now that we got that out of the way, you wanna go compare ink again?"

Jessie took one last look at the tiny Airstream in the trees before she got on the bike and wrapped her arms around Happy. They were on their way back to Charming and she couldn't decide how she felt about that. Gemma had called the night before to tell her that they were releasing Luann's body and after a long discussion, they had decided to start back early, allowing them enough time to stop by and visit Otto.

"Can we come back here someday?" Jessie asked over the rumble of the engine. "These were five good days."

Happy stretched his arm back to squeeze her knee. "Five very good days and we can come back any time you want to."

A few hours later, Jessie found herself once again battling her nerves as she made her way through the crowded visiting room to her father. The difference a week had made was the man following behind her. She could see the confusion on Otto's face as they got closer and the fact that she could still surprise him made her smile. She could almost feel the wheels turning in his head when he hugged her and she was sure she smelled smoke when he finally released her. Jessie sat in the chair beside Happy and cocked an eyebrow at her father. "Go on, ask me. You know it's killing you."

"It ain't you I need to ask." He directed his gaze towards Happy and said, "What are you doing with my daughter?" He leaned back in his chair and kept his eyes locked on Happy.

"I came here to get your blessing." He ignored Jessie's gasp of surprise beside him and continued. "We want to be together, but I can't go against you." He turned to look at Jessie and said to her "You and me, we could be good together but we can't be anything without his approval. If he approves then nobody can say anything."

Otto watched the interaction between them closely. He knew his daughter like the back of his hand and he had seen a difference in her the minute she walked into the room. What surprised him was the fact that it was Happy who had made the difference. "You gonna make her your old lady?" Otto asked Happy and braced himself for the fireworks.

"Excuse me, I am sitting here you know" Jessie said. "Are you gonna trade me for a couple of goats and some whiskey?" She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at both men. "Maybe I don't want to be some old lady. Maybe you can both shove it." She pushed away from the table but Happy stopped her before she could stand up and make her exit.

"You don't want to be my old lady?" Happy asked her.

"That's not the point" Jessie replied.

"Yes, it is. That is exactly the point, my stubborn, pig-headed daughter." Otto looked over at Happy. "She's just like her mother; I hope you know what you're getting into."

"Still sitting here," Jessie said. She looked back and forth between the two men and threw her hands up in surrender. "Fine, trade me for some goats if you want. Just remember, what goes around comes around and you won't be in this prison forever old man." She pointed her finger at Happy "And from the looks of things you and I are going to be spending a lot of time together. You better get good at looking over your shoulder." She stood up and leaned over to kiss her father on his cheek. "I love you, Daddy." She ran her hand over Happy's head as she walked behind him "Hammer out your deal; I'll be at the bike."

Both men watched her walk away with amused looks on their faces. The guard behind Otto walked closer and said, "It's good to see the old Jessie back."

Otto nodded his head and replied, "It sure is, it sure is. Can we have a few more minutes here, Charlie?"

"Sure thing, just let me know when you're ready to go back," Charlie said.

Otto looked at Happy with a speculative gaze. "I've heard things about you. I here you know how to get a job done."

Happy nodded. "I do what's needed."

"If you hurt my daughter, I will have you hunted down. You know that, right?" He paused before continuing, "She only thinks that she is unbreakable. She's a woman and she loves like a woman, she takes like a woman but she breaks like a little girl."

Happy nodded again, knowing that Otto wasn't looking for words from him.

"Just take care of her. She has some things to do that won't be easy and having you to help will set my mind at ease." Otto extended his hand and the two men shook.

Happy worked out his apology to Jessie on the way outside. He walked to where she was leaning on his Harley and said "I should've told you what I was gonna say."

She held up her hand to stop him. "I understand, but know one thing. That shit is okay in times of need. You know, when you need to look like the man in charge and all that, but it won't fly when it's just you and me." She pursed her lips and studied him intently. "I'm not like your cigarettes. I'm not just something to do with your hands and make you look cool. Got it?"

Happy gaped at her for a moment before he burst out laughing. "Oh jeez, Jessie. Are we gonna do this or what?"

"Whatever" Jessie said. She strapped her helmet on and waited for him to get on before she used his arm for a boost. She let out a shriek when he pulled her into his lap and kissed her.

"Answer me" he ground out.

She looked deep into his eyes and could see that the time for teasing was long past. She ran her finger along his jaw line and placed a kiss on his lips. "I'm your girl and you're my man." She moved back to her seat with his help and couldn't resist one last jab. "I just hope I didn't cost you too many goats."

"You have no idea" Happy replied as he gunned the motor and pointed the Harley towards Charming.


	3. Chapter 3

**This will be a lengthy Authors Note, sorry in advance for that but I feel like I need to explain my train of thought after a few reviews and private messages. SofA is perfect for fanfiction because many of the characters are enigmas, they can be whatever you want them to be. In my opinion, Happy is the pinnacle of that. He is only seen in a handful of episodes, and most of the time it is to do Clay's bidding. The few other times you see him, he is in full biker/party mode, just like most of the others, btw. The one scene that stuck in my mind was when he told Clay about his mother and Clay offered him a place at the table. That got me thinking about how everyone, at some point, gets tired of the party life style. From the beginning of the series, I always thought about what a daughter of Otto and Luann would be like. Those two thoughts led to this story. I grew up in a way that gives me the belief that these two would see something in each other that defies time constraints. Happy, in my mind, doesn't see the point in wasting time. He has survived as long as he has because of an ability to see people for who they really are. Jessie is her own woman and once she decided that she would be back in the MC lifestyle she knew that she wouldn't find happiness with Joe Average. The fact that Jessie grew up in the lifestyle, and is essentially MC royalty, removed obstacles that Happy would have with an average woman off the streets. She would know without being told, or really even having to think about it, what he is. It would make it a ton easier for them to be together. I also don't believe that bikers are gods, they have the same wants and needs as any man; it's not like applying for a job to be their girlfriend. Love/lust happens in the blink of an eye and if you don't believe that then you are in for a very small life. Therefore, I guess my point after all this rambling is this… Happy can be whoever and whatever you want him to be, which means he can be whoever and whatever I want him to be. Don't like it, don't read it. I write as a diversion to my stressful job and I definitely don't write about real life (who in their right mind would want to read about that?) Thank you to everyone, and I do mean everyone, who took the time to review and send me messages. It was what I needed to cement some thoughts that were floating around in my head. Muchas Gracias! Love, peace and chicken grease.**

Happy eyed Jessie while he was filling the tank with gas. She had gotten increasingly quieter the closer they got to Charming and she was currently miles away in thought. "What's going through that head?" he asked after replacing the nozzle and retrieving his receipt.

"Just thinking about making a run for Mexico and never coming back," Jessie replied from her perch on the back of the bike. "Real life doesn't seem like much fun right now."

"I hear ya," Happy said. He could tell from her expression that something else was on her mind so he waited patiently for her to continue.

Jessie shook her head and patted the seat in front of her. "Not now, I'm still thinking things through. I'll have it worked out by the time we get to Charming." She wrapped her arms around him when he settled onto the bike. "Can we make a small detour before we go to the shop?"

Happy nodded and leaned back into her for a moment before putting the Harley in gear and pulling out of the gas station.

At Jessie's direction, Happy brought the bike to a stop in front of a modest two-story house on the outskirts of Charming. He turned the motor off and sat looking around him in confusion. Jessie scrambled off the bike and stood with her arms crossed over her chest. "I think maybe you should stay here, at least until I explain who I am." She looked over her shoulder at the house and explained, "This is where I grew up. Gemma and John had a house two blocks over and Opie's folks were about a mile on past. I need to get something from the back yard and I don't want you to scare anyone. Okay?"

Happy nodded and leaned back on the bike as she walked towards the house. He watched her have a short conversation with the woman that answered the door and went to join her when she waved him over as she walked towards the backyard. He watched in silence as she went to the side of a shed and bent to remove one of the cinder blocks in the foundation. After watching her struggle for a few moments, he pushed her aside, pried the block from its place, and stepped back to give her room. Jessie pushed her arm through the opening and fished around until she found what she was looking for. When she stood up, she held a wooden canister in her hand.

Jessie turned the canister over in her hands and brushed the loose dirt off the smooth wood. She raised her eyes to Happy's and he could see the joy in her eyes. "This chunk of wood was left over when they made the table in the chapel. Dad took it and made this for me." She handed it to him and said, "Check it out. I want to use it for Luann, but first I need to go see Tara."

"Why Tara?" Happy inquired as he inspected the canister. It was a beautiful piece of Redwood and he could see the care that had gone into making it.

"Open it up" Jessie told him. "The top screws off, it just might be a little rough."

Happy removed the top of the canister and looked inside. He couldn't hold back the laughter when he saw the contents. It held hundreds of toy wheels. "Are these the wheels that I heard Tara teasing Jax about?"

"Every last one of them. I had totally forgotten about this until the guys reminded me of it. Tara and I hid this here when we were twelve; Dad helped us with the block." She looked between him and the block on the ground. "Will you help me this time? I promised that I would leave everything the way I found it."

"This is payback for the goats, right?" Happy said as he picked up the block and kicked it back into place in the foundation.

"Just the tip of the iceberg, my friend" Jessie replied. She reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the cell phone. "I'm gonna call Tara and see where she is. Is her number in here?"

Happy nodded, "Yeah, you never know when you might need a doctor." He took the canister from her hands and examined it while she made her phone call. He ran his fingertips over the smooth wood and imagined the time that it had taken to fashion it into the container that it was. It was common knowledge how much Otto loved his wife and daughter and he was a little in awe to be holding some tangible evidence of it in his hands.

Jessie finished her phone call and said "Tara's gonna meet me at the shop."

"Have everything figured out?" Happy asked, and Jessie knew he had more than one meaning to that sentence. He held the canister out to her so he could get on the bike.

"Almost there," she replied. She took the canister and hugged it to her chest. "This helps."

* * *

As luck would have it, just about everyone was in view when they pulled into the lot at Teller-Morrow and Happy could feel Jessie tense up behind him. He stretched his arm back and wrapped it around her knee; hugging her knee to his side, he said "Breathe."

Jessie saw Tara waiting on her near the office door and with a quick peck on his cheek, she was gone. Happy backed the Harley into line, took off his helmet and looked up to find all the guys waiting on him by the door to the clubhouse. "Nosy fuckers, just like a bunch of women" he muttered to himself while walking past them into the building. He could hear them file silently in behind him. He sat on his favorite bar stool, lit a cigarette and swiveled around to face them. "What?" He had to suppress a smile at the sight in front of him. The whole club, including Clay, stood before him with varying degrees of menace in their eyes. He held up his hands in mock surrender and said, "Don't look at me. She started it." He looked around at each of the guys in turn. "Don't tell me any one of you would have been able to turn her down." He could hear the grumbling behind him when he turned back around to retrieve his cigarette and tensed as he waited for the onslaught. He was surprised when Jax sat down on his right and Opie on his left.

"Dude, I could have turned her down, would've been like doin' my sister" Jax said.

"That's just wrong. I don't really want to think about Jessie that way," Opie added. "From now on, keep that shit to yourself." He slapped the bar in front of him. "Line 'em up, Juice."

* * *

Jessie parked in the driveway of Luann's house beside Lyla's car. She got out of the car and waited for Tara to join her before she walked to the house. "I can't thank you guys enough for opening the house up for me."

"Well, I was kinda thinking that we would be doing this a few days ago, but then I looked around and you were gone" Tara said, raising her eyebrows at Jessie.

"I will tell you all about that. I promise." She pushed the front door open and entered. She looked around in amazement. "Wow, this place is sweet. Luann outdid herself."

"She had great taste didn't she?" Lyla said from the kitchen doorway. She beckoned them towards her. "Come in here, I made a late lunch." She disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Jessie and Tara to exchange amused looks.

"She's been good for Opie" Tara told her "and she was your Mom's right hand." She rubbed her hand over her face. "Oh, I hated her at first. I thought she was just another two-bit skank, but she is much more that that. She reminds me a little of your Mom back when we were kids."

"Good enough for me" Jessie said. "Let's go eat."

The girls laughed and chatted through lunch and Jessie could feel herself relaxing in their companionship. Lyla made a move to get up and clear the table but Jessie put a hand on her arm to stop her. "Stay. I have a feeling that you are going to be important in my life so you might as well hear it all. I am re-opening CaraCara. Jax signed controlling interest over to Mom right before she died, so now it belongs to me. The building might be gone, but the business is still there." She looked at Lyla. "I'm going to need your help, a lot of your help. Are you with me?"

"You bet. Anything you need." She jumped up to throw her arms around Jessie. "Thank you."

Jessie hugged her back before standing up and walking towards the front room. "Be right back. I have something you need to see, Tara."

By the time she had returned with the canister, the table was clear except for an odd shaped bright pink box. Tara grinned at her "I have something for you, too." She spied the canister in Jessie's hands and jumped up to take it from her. "Oh my God, where did you get this?"

"Hap and I made a detour on the way home. I went to the old house and it was right were we hid it twenty years ago." She sat at the table and Tara pushed the box towards her. "What's this?"

"Just open it," Tara said.

Jessie lifted the lid off the box and laughed in joy at what she saw. "It's the Sacred Barbie." She picked the doll up and showed it to Lyla who was looking at the two of them like that had lost their minds. Jessie laughed as she explained, "Whenever Tara and I had a problem, or something serious happened, we always told this Barbie. Tara got her for Christmas when she was six." She looked at Tara "I can't believe you still have her."

Tara shrugged "She has gone everywhere with me. She always reminded me of you; gave me hope for the future. I knew we would see each other again some day."

Jessie placed the doll on top of the box. "Why don't we revive that tradition? What happens with the Barbie stays with the Barbie. Deal?" Jessie placed her hands on the table and waited for Tara and Lyla to each take one.

"Deal" they both replied in unison.

Jessie picked up the canister, unscrewed the top and poured all of the wheels out onto the table. "Should we give these back?" she asked Tara.

Lyla picked up a handful and let them run through her fingers. "There must be hundreds of wheels here. Did they never learn their lesson?"

Tara laughed at her expression "Well, you gotta realize that's probably five or six years worth there. Our life of crime started young."

Jessie held up the canister and said, "I would like to use this for Luann's ashes. What do you think?"

"I think that is a great idea" Tara replied. "What are the plans, anyway?"

"She always wanted to be cremated; said she spent her whole life with people looking at her ass and she couldn't stand the thought of lying there in a casket. We're just doing a memorial service tomorrow at Clay and Gemma's house." She turned the canister over in her hands. "I need to go to the funeral home and give this to them. When it's all done, I'm keeping her here with me, that's what Dad wants. They always said they wanted to be mixed together." She sighed and continued, "I don't like thinking about that, but it's what he wants."

They sat in silence, each thinking their own thoughts, until Tara looked at her watch and started gathering her things. "Gotta go, girls. I have the late shift at the hospital tonight." She hugged each of them on her way out of the room. "Do you want me to pick you up for the service tomorrow?" she asked Jessie.

"I think I may have a ride. If I don't can I let you know?" Jessie replied.

"Sure." She waved once more and disappeared out the door.

Jessie looked back to see Lyla scooping the wheels into a plastic bag and went to help. "So, let's talk some business. What do you think?"

* * *

Happy leaned in the doorway and watched Jessie sleep in the glow cast by the small, bedside lamp. She was quite a sight, sprawled on her stomach with the top edges of her tattoo peaking out of the covers. He removed his boots, threw his jeans and t-shirt on the pile where Jessie had left hers and slid into the bed beside her. He used his fingers to trace the tattoo on her back and laughed quietly when she tried to reach back and slap his hands away. He folded her into his arms and before he could even pull the blankets over them she was back to sleep. He listened to her even breathing and felt her cheek against his chest and eventually let himself be lulled to sleep.

Jessie awoke the next morning tangled up in Happy and quietly extricated herself from his embrace. She scooped the dirty clothes off the floor and dumped them near the laundry room door on her way to make coffee. While it was brewing, she went to start a load of laundry; she hadn't unpacked and she knew Happy didn't have any with him. She opened the laundry room door and stopped dead in her tracks. Hanging on the coat rack, beside the back door, was Otto's cut. It was hanging there as if he would be right back to put it on. Jessie could feel the tears streaming down her face at the thought of her mother seeing that reminder every day. She cried at the love lost, she cried at the senselessness of it all and most of all she cried over her own guilt. Suddenly Happy was there, drawing her into his arms. She turned around, buried her head in his chest, and sobbed. Happy never said a word, he just kept his arms around her until she quieted, then led her to the table and went to pour coffee. He came back to the table and pushed a mug across the table to her along with a towel he had snagged from beside the sink. He watched her silently while she sipped at her coffee and folded and re-folded the towel. He kept his eyes on her but still remained quiet when she stood to refill both of their mugs. The silence stretched out and Happy realized one of the things that drew him to Jessie. She never spoke just to fill space and his silence never made her uncomfortable. She finally raised her eyes to his and said "I just wanted to do some laundry. That's all. I've always wondered where his jacket was, I just never imagined that she had it all along." She rubbed her fingers over her eyes and continued "It must have been so hard to see that everyday."

"Maybe it gave her comfort, like he was close" Happy said.

Jessie thought about that and gave him a small smile "So many of my memories have that cut in it. Whenever I picture him, he always has that jacket on. The smell of leather and cigars always reminds me of my Dad." She lapsed into silence and Happy leaned back in his chair and watched the emotions fly across her face.

"So, are you gonna do that laundry, or what?" He asked her after a few minutes.

Jessie gaped at him for a moment before she burst into laughter.

* * *

Jessie exited the funeral home with the canister clutched in her arms and stopped in shock at the sight in front of her. She had left Happy alone in the parking lot but know he was surrounded by a whole contingent of Harleys, each one carrying a Son. Some were alone but many had their women on the bikes with them and Jessie smiled at the show of family unity before her. She raised a questioning eyebrow at Happy when she reached him. He shrugged and replied "I called Clay, Otto wanted this."

Jessie nodded and handed him the canister so she could get on the motorcycle. She took it when he handed it back and tucked it between them. The roar of engines filled Jessie's ears when they pulled out of the parking lot. Jessie turned her head and met Gemma's eyes and glanced a little bit behind to see both Tara and Lyla riding with their men. She faced forward, wrapped her arms around Happy so she could feel his heart beating and reveled in the love and support that she was surrounded by.


	4. Chapter 4

-1Jessie snapped her cell phone shut with a decisive click and smiled triumphantly at Lyla. "That's it, the final detail. After three long months we are officially open for business on Monday."

Lyla jumped up from the table and rummaged in the refrigerator, finally emerging with two bottles of beer clutched in her hands. "I was looking for wine, but I guess beer will have to do. I think we should mark this occasion with a toast."

Jessie smiled at her enthusiasm "I don't keep much wine around here, Happy's more of a hard liquor kinda guy." She took the beer that Lyla handed her and held it up to clink against the one that Lyla still held. "I think this toast should go to you, Lyla. I would have never made it this far without you."

"I think we make a good team but I'm sure you could've accomplished this without me," Lyla told her.

"Okay, how about we toast each other?" Jessie replied.

"Deal" Lyla said. "Hey, are you coming tonight?" she asked, referring to the party at the clubhouse.

"I'll be there. I promised Happy that I wouldn't hole up here in the house and Tara is on my ass to do something beside work. See ya there?"

"You bet. It's time to celebrate all of our hard work finally paying off" Lyla replied as she finished off her beer.

After Lyla left to pick up the kids from school, Jessie was alone and for the first time in three months, she felt lonely. After Luann's memorial, there had been urgent business that required Happy and his Nomads somewhere near Los Angeles. While he was down there he had taken the opportunity to visit his mother. Since then he had made it back to Charming every two or three weeks and once even stayed for a long weekend. Jessie smiled at the memory of that weekend as she wandered around the house in search of something to occupy her time. She finally decided to pamper herself with a long bath and some quality time with a razor. When she finally left for the party, she was feeling good. She was shaved, tweezed and exfoliated to within an inch of her life and ready to take on the world.

The party was in full swing when Jessie arrived and she was pushing her way into the clubhouse in search of Lyla or Tara when she realized the level of noise had dropped a few decibels. Wondering why, she looked around and instantly spotted the reason. Happy sat across the room by the pool table and he seemed to be fending of the advances of some crow-eater. Jessie could almost feel everyone suck in a breath when they realized she was walking through the room. She leaned against the wall and watched as the girl continued to make advances every time Happy pushed her away. A voice in her ear startled her.

"That's been going on for about an hour now," Tig said. "It kinda brings a tear to my eye. You know, like a wild beast has been tamed." He sniffed in mock despair and winced when Jessie reached back and pinched him in the stomach. "Hey, you don't have to be so mean about it, Jessica Rose."

Jessie pinched him again before he could twist away and said "You're just jealous, Tigger."

Tig gave her a long look before he wandered off in search of another beer. Jessie watched Happy push the girl away a few more times before she decided to take pity and rescue him. She walked closer and heard the girl speaking. "What's crawled up your ass, Happy? You used to be all over any girl that was offering?"

Jessie walked up behind her and smiled at Happy before she tapped the girl on her shoulder. When the girl turned around Jessie said "I crawled up his ass, and if you know what's good for you, you will take your skank ass somewhere else."

Happy took her hand and pulled her to stand between his knees and she wrapped her arm around his shoulders. The girl gaped at her for a few moments before she turned and stomped away.

Jessie laughed and sat down on Happy's lap. "I guess she didn't get the memo, huh?"

"Guess not" Happy replied before he claimed her lips with his own.

"Damn, I have missed you" Jessie sighed when they finally broke apart. "Are you back for awhile?"

"I got a few days before I have to head up North." He spent a few minutes kissing and nibbling on her neck and Jessie was only a few seconds from dragging him into an empty room when he moved his lips to her ear. "I have a gift for you."

Jessie cocked an eyebrow at him and said, "I can tell, is that what we're calling it now?"

Happy laughed and said, "Well, there is that, but I really have a present for you."

Jessie grinned in delight and said, "How about we blow this taco stand and you take me home and give me both presents?"

"Can't, have to give you one of them here, that's why I've been waiting on you. And get your mind out of the gutter because this one is from me and your dad." Happy replied and kissed her until her head was swimming. He pushed her up and stood in front of her. He put his hands on her shoulder and pushed until she sat down and said "Wait right here."

A few minutes later, he came back through the door and held it open for the person following him. Lyla came through leading a large rottweiler and stopped in front of Jessie.

Jessie looked at Happy in confusion when he stopped a few feet from her and the dog. "What's going on?" she asked. The dog pressed his body against her knees and Jessie instinctively reached out to rub his massive head. "Is this my present?"

"He's all yours. I got him a few months ago and took him to be trained" Happy replied. "He doesn't really care for men, so I think I'll stay over here until we get to know each other better."

Jessie stroked the dog on his head and back and examined him closely. "He's beautiful. What's his name?"

"Been calling him Whiskey" Happy said.

Jessie met his eyes and smiled "I guess that's better than Goat."

* * *

The next six months were a whirlwind for Jessie and everyone else at CaraCara. The business was off to a good start and Jessie started every day with a sense of accomplishment. She had always respected her mother, but she found out a little more every day just how hard Luann had worked to provide for her family, blood and otherwise. Happy was in and out and Jessie only admitted to herself late at night how much she missed him when he was gone. Whiskey had become a permanent fixture at the studio and clubhouse and, thankfully, he had learned to tolerate the Sons and seemed to look upon Lyla and Tara as his extended family. Jessie draped her arm over the dog from her seat beside him on the couch and listened to Tara talking about her latest fight with Jax. The girls were gathered for their weekly girl's night that they had implemented, Whiskey was the only exception to the "No Boys" rule; no amount of bribery could get him to reveal their secrets.

Jessie glanced up to see Lyla looking at her intently. Lyla took a sip of her wine and pursed her lips in thought. She seemed to come to a decision and said, "Has Happy ever told you he loves you?"

Jessie shook her head "No, we don't talk about it. We just live it. Truth is who really knows what he feels. We spend a lot of time reading between the lines and interpreting." She paused and thought about it for a second before she continued. "All I know is that what we have works for me and it seems to work for him. You have something on your mind, Lyla?"

"I just don't know what's going on with me and Opie. I mean, everyone calls me his old lady but he's never said a word. And then Gemma asked me an odd question the other day." She sat twirling a blonde curl around her finger in the gesture that Jessie had come to know signified agitation.

"What did Gemma ask?" Jessie was almost afraid to know but she asked anyway. She exchanged glances with Tara and could see the same thoughts going through her head.

"She wanted to know where I was going to put my tattoo. Something about tattooed porn stars not making as much money."

Tara burst out laughing and Jessie muffled her giggles behind her hand. Once Tara had recovered enough to breathe, she said "Sweetie, that was just Queen Gemma's way of telling you that you're accepted. Don't worry; you don't have to get a tattoo. It takes more than a tattoo to make you his old lady, and it really doesn't have very much to do with love, either. Look at Jessie, all of her tattoos are her own and the sweetbutts run for their lives when she walks in. It's all about how you carry yourself."

"That's right" Jessie continued, "you just need to be confident about your place in his life. Our lives don't consist of hearts and flowers but I do know that if Opie didn't want you in his you wouldn't be there. It's all about the actions not the words."

"Well, we do get a lot of action" Lyla quipped and they all three erupted into laughter.

* * *

Jessie awoke to the smell of coffee and wrinkled her forehead in confusion, she couldn't remember setting the coffee pot the night before and a quick look around the bedroom confirmed that Happy wasn't there. She was even more confused when she didn't see any indication that he was home on her way down the stairs. The newel post where he usually hung his cut was empty but when she glanced into the laundry room as she passed by she saw it hanging beside Otto's. In the kitchen, she found the man himself sitting at the table with his coffee and cigarettes, Whiskey at his feet. She trailed her fingers over his shoulders and patted the dog on the head as she walked by to the coffee pot. She poured herself a mug and sat down across the table from him. Something in his eyes told her he had something to say but she knew he would get to it in his own time.

Jessie finished her second cup of coffee and poured another one to take to the shower with her. She bent to kiss Happy on the side of his neck and he trailed his fingers down her arm. "Back in a few?" he asked her.

She nodded and said, "Will you feed Whiskey for me?"

After a quick shower, Jessie threw on a ratty pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and went back to the kitchen. It was empty so she went to the living room in search of Happy. She found him lounging on the couch with Whiskey's head on his feet. She smiled and said "So much for not liking men, huh?"

"We've bonded" Happy replied as he patted the space beside him.

Jessie curled into his side when he draped his arm over her and waited for him to speak.

"You know it's always gonna be like this." He finally said.

"Like what?" Jessie asked.

"You're here and I'm not. You gotta be tired of that."

Jessie could feel his fingers moving in her hair and she leaned her head into his palm while she was thinking. She read between the lines in a way that had become second nature to her since meeting Happy and carefully chose her words. "We can go on and on, it'll never be too long or too hard." She moved to straddle his lap so she could look him in the eyes. She took his hand and placed it over her heart. "Whenever and however you want this is your home. You are a good thing in my life and I won't put conditions on that." She poked him in the chest. "And just to be perfectly clear here, I don't need you."

"Good to know" Happy replied with a smile. "I think it's time to make some changes. I need a break from the road." He absently ran his hands over her legs. "My mom doesn't need me down south anymore and I've mostly cut ties with Tacoma." He met her eyes and underneath the layer of exhaustion, she saw the truth. "Everywhere I go I look for a reason to never come back here and every time I leave I miss you. What am I supposed to do with all that?"

"Do what you want, at the end of the day all I want is what you got." She glanced down at Whiskey on the floor at their feet and said "Now, help me up here, man's best friend seems to be blocking the way."

Happy helped her to her feet and watched her walk into the kitchen before he pulled his cell from his pocket.

* * *

Jessie rested her head on Happy's chest and watched the lights twinkling on the tree. "There's nothing like gorilla sex under the Christmas tree, right?"

"Technically we weren't under the tree" Happy replied.

"Speak for yourself, you don't have pine needles stuck in your hair" Jessie said while pulling a few from the ends of her hair. "I'm gonna go take a shower; we have to be at Clay and Gemma's at seven."

Happy watched her walk away clad only in a pair of red, fuzzy socks. "Nice socks, by the way."

"Better than my cold feet on you ass, don't you think?" Jessie shot over her shoulder before walking into the bathroom.

Jessie stepped under the warm spray with a smile on her face. After a few weeks of struggling with his decision, Happy had come to an agreement with Clay. He was using SAMCRO as his base and wearing their patch but he was free to come and go when he needed. In a reversal of the last year, he was in Charming more than he was gone and it was a solution that worked for everyone concerned. Clay got another enforcer that he could count on, Jessie got more of Happy and Happy still had his freedom. Tig still made good-natured comments about caging the wild animal but Jessie ignored him. All Jessie cared about was the fact that the exhaustion and shadows were fading from Happy's eyes and he seemed to be closer to finding the peace that she knew they were both searching for.


	5. Chapter 5

**So, last night I was laying in the tub, contemplating my next tattoo and listening to my iPod. Have you ever felt like your iPod was out to get you? I have. Anyway, a long string of songs brought this chapter to my mind, that and the fact that I have been listening to Alicia Keys' new CD over and over again. The songs that inspired this chapter include but are not limited to- 'Call Your Name' by Daughtry, 'Alabama' by Cross Canadian Ragweed, 'Angel' by Jamey Johnson, 'Still Unbroken' by Lynyrd Skynyrd, 'Long, Long Way From Home' by Foreigner, 'Bad Company' by Bad Company, 'My Man is a Mean Man' by Stephanie Heinzman, 'All of Me' by Buckcherry, 'Feels Good' by Dr. Hook, 'Better Than You" by the New York Dolls, 'Blue Jeans and a Rosary' by Kid Rock, 'Love is My Disease' and 'Distance and Time' by Alicia Keys. If anybody wants the whole playlist for the whole story just let me know. Btw, I picked up the habit of having a playlist from a wonderful writer over on the Janet Evanovich page. Her name is Kymme, check her out, she is phenomenal. **

Sometime between April Showers and May Flowers, when she wasn't even close to being ready, Happy disappeared from her life, hell bent on righting a wrong that she couldn't completely understand. Jessie kept up a brave front, never letting on that he wasn't around. During the day she spoke the platitudes with ease, knowing that deep in her heart she was keeping an unspoken promise. She told them all about how he was away on business for a southern charter and looked them square in the eye until they believed. She went to work everyday with a smile on her face that hid the worry in her eyes. The days had become something that she could deal with; day provided distractions that night couldn't offer. During the night she walked the floors, she tossed and turned in her lonely bed and she prayed to every god she could think of for his safe return. She spent hours telling Whiskey all the reasons for Happy's absence in both of their lives; hoping that with each retelling it would start to make a little more sense and hurt a little less. At the six-month mark, she finally gave up that dream and switched to telling Whiskey all the reasons she couldn't waver in her belief of the man that she had come to love. She spent hours roaming the house with the large dog at her heels and, more often than not, found herself sitting with the rosewood container that had once held her childhood memories but now held her Mother's ashes. In those dark hours, with her loyal friend and the comforting spirit of her Mother, she gave in to her sadness and ached with loneliness.

It was late October and time for her and Lyla to go over the budget for the next few months. Jessie walked towards her office and grimaced at the decorations hanging in the hallways. Halloween had never been her favorite holiday but all of the employees seemed to love it so she had let them hang the ridiculous bats and skeletons. She entered her office, closed the door and turned around to find Gemma leaning against her desk. "Hey Gemma, what's up?" Jessie asked as she walked around to sit behind the desk.

"Cut the bullshit, this isn't a social call," Gemma said as she made herself comfortable in the chair across for Jessie. She reached into her purse and pulled out a large manila envelope, which she tossed across the desk to Jessie. "You need to explain this."

Jessie picked up the envelope with a feeling of dread. She opened the clasp with shaky fingers and poured the contents onto the desk. The first thing she saw made her heart stop beating and she looked across the desk to Gemma with tears in her eyes. "This is a patch from his cut. Where did you get it?" She picked up the small "unholy ones" patch and clutched it in her hands. "Where are the rest of the patches?"

Gemma eyed her curiously from the other side of the desk and replied, "I don't know where it came from and I don't know where the rest of them are. I just know that you need to do some talking, right here and now." She leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs, waiting for Jessie to speak.

Jessie gathered her thoughts as she sifted through the remaining items on her desk. Happy had told her that this day would come but he had left it up to her to decide just how much to tell. Faced with the reality of the situation she knew that she could never tell Gemma anything but the truth. "I'll tell you everything that I know, I swear, but I don't know it all. Okay?"

Gemma nodded her head "Okay."

"About ten months ago, right after the first of the year, Happy got word from a contact that his father had been spotted." She paused and raised an eyebrow at Gemma when she didn't see the confusion that she had expected. "You seem to know what I'm talking about, already. Maybe you need to do some explaining to me."

"Oh please, as Big Otto's daughter you should know that very little gets by Clay. We know what Happy comes from and we know he kicked that habit a long time ago. We've known about the gang connection from the start and we learned about his father a few years ago. Clay never asked, he figured it was Happy's business as long as the drugs where over with for good. Now, I'm not so sure that was the right thing to do." Gemma lit a cigarette and looked at Jessie for a few long moments; she watched the younger woman as the wheels turned in her head. "How bad is it Jessica Rose?"

"He's going to kill his father, one way or another." She waved her hand in dismissal as Gemma started to talk. "That's not what bothers me or what has kept him away for so long. That man deserves to die after what he did to the whole family; we all know that. What makes it complicated is Happy's brother, Billy. The only way to get him out is for Happy to connect with them again. I don't know the entire story, I just know that it is what it is."

"Does that mean the needle?" Gemma asked quietly.

Jessie nodded. "We talked about it for weeks. He knows what it means and I know. I know that there is a possibility that he won't come back to me." She lined up the items left on her desk and pointed to each one as she explained them to Gemma. "The moon and rose stickers tell me that he loves me, he told me the first time we were together that he would never be moonlight and roses. This tiny Airstream charm means he still wants to come home." She could feel the sting of tears at the thought of their place in the woods.

Gemma picked up the last item and looked at it with confusion. "This is a coaster from a place called the "Goats Head Tavern". What could that possibly mean?"

Jessie smiled and wiped a tear from her cheek. "That means the Happy I know and love is still in there, somewhere. It's a joke between us. He's telling me that he's still fighting to come home. I guess the patch was for you and Clay, a way to let me know that it was okay to tell you everything." She gathered all the items together and put them back into the envelope. "All of this is a positive sign, it means that he is still alive and himself. If I ever get anything with a happy face on it, then we can worry. Anything else is good news."

* * *

Jessie hugged Gemma good-bye and watched her as she walked down the hallway in her typical fashion. It was a walk that Jessie always thought of as "On a Mission". When Gemma disappeared around the corner, Jessie closed her office door and locked it. She sat down behind her desk and opened the middle drawer to pull out the last item that had been in the envelope. Something had made her slide it into the drawer before Gemma had seen it and she prayed that Gemma wouldn't remember the one item that Jessie hadn't explained to her. Jessie rubbed her fingers over the small dragon pendant and felt an ache deep in her soul at what it meant. Happy was telling her that he had been unable to avoid the one thing that could break him. He was using heroin; he was "chasing the dragon". They had spent long nights talking about the possibility and what it would do to him. He had explained the reasons that would make it a necessity and Jessie tried her hardest to understand. She had begged him to make another choice but in the end, she had agreed to stand behind him and support his decision, no matter the price. She slid the dragon onto the chain around her neck and cursed the man that had destroyed Happy's family and was threatening her own.

* * *

The days and nights crept by as Jessie waited for Happy's return. The brave front was still there, but she could feel the cracks starting to form. She knew, even though she refused to acknowledge it, that everyone was aware of the situation. She avoided the questions she saw in the eyes of the Sons and pretended an ease that she didn't quite feel with the women. In the end, the only thing that kept her from spiraling out of control was the support she received from Tara, Lyla and Gemma. It had been an unexpected relief to tell the whole story to the three of them and she found herself leaning on them more as the year dwindled to an end. Thanksgiving passed in a blur of turkey and football and Jessie immersed herself in preparations for Christmas in a way to take the edge off her heartache. She spent Christmas Eve with Otto and drove back to Charming just in time to attend Midnight Mass with Lyla and Tara.

The three women sat quietly as the pews emptied around them, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Jessie watched Tara shredding a tissue for a few minutes before she spoke. "What's on your mind, Tara? You want to tell me and give that poor tissue a break?"

Tara crumpled the tissue into her palm before she replied, "I'm just worried about Jax, but that will keep. What's up with you? You seem extra down tonight."

"I don't know" Jessie replied. "I feel lost and just…" She paused, searching for the right word to describe how she felt. "…wrong, I guess. All of this religion and Christmas spirit surrounds me and all I can do is pray for the safe return of a man who has probably already killed his father. This is such a hard lifestyle we've chosen and sometimes I wonder why it suits me better than anything else."

"Right and wrong are hard concepts to pin down sometimes," Tara said. "This suits you because you were born into it, its part of your soul."

"Did I ever tell you guys that I almost married a nice, conservative guy once?" Jessie asked.

"Do tell" Lyla said. "What happened?"

"Well, he really didn't care for my tattoos but he got used to them. He knew Dad was in a MC but he didn't know anything about Mom. One night he went to a bachelor party and he came home with an old porn movie and started waving it around. It was an old movie of Mom's and he recognized her from my photo albums. Needless to say, it was over soon after that and, as hard as I tried, I just couldn't work up the energy to be sad when he left." She studied her fingernails as memories of her previous life washed over her. "I was always trying to hide Mom and Dad and looking back I don't even know why. Every time someone would ask about my tattoos, I would feel shame and I got so tired of that. I feel like I wandered around in a daze for a long time and then Gemma called to tell my about Mom and here I am."

"Hey, you're not alone. Here I am" Tara said and took her hand.

"And here I am" Lyla said and took her other hand. She stretched her arm across Jessie to take Tara's free hand and said, "Here we are".

They sat in silence for a few moments, gathering strength from one another, before Tara spoke. "I say we go light some candles for our men and then we go back to your house and open up that bottle of Cuervo that you have under your sink."

* * *

Jessie waved good-bye to Tara and Lyla and watched Juice load the two of them into the van. They had gotten gloriously drunk and Juice was driving them home; he became the designated driver when Gemma got wind of the situation. Jessie weaved her way through the house and turned off every light with the exception of the Christmas tree and with Whiskey at her feet, she collapsed onto the couch and stared at the twinkling lights. With thoughts of Happy in her head, she finally fell into a deep sleep.

Happy crept into the house to find Whiskey waiting for him in the foyer. "Can't sneak past you, huh?" he said while rubbing the big dog between the ears. He toed off his boots, hung his jacket on the newel post and followed the dog into the living room. He found Jessie laying flat on the couch with an empty tequila bottle on the table beside her. Looking around, he saw three glassed scattered around the room and felt a little relief that she didn't drink it all by herself. He sat down beside her and looked at her in the glow from the Christmas tree. He pushed the tangled hair away from her face and brushed her cheekbones with his thumbs. He traced the tear tracks with his fingertips over the planes of her face down to her collarbone. When the light of dawn started lightening the windows he rose and went to her desk to scrawl a hasty note. He weighted the paper down with the tequila bottle and quietly left the room. Whiskey followed him to the foyer and watched Happy put on his boots and jacket. "Take care of her, boy," Happy said before slipping out the front door.

Jessie awoke to the rumble of a motorcycle fading away and sat up quickly. That proved to be a huge mistake so she flopped back down on the couch and curled on her side where she came face to face with Whiskey. She slung her arm around him and gave him a hug; she smiled in amusement when he collapsed onto the floor so she could rub his belly. When she leaned over to reach him, she saw a piece of paper wedged under the empty Cuervo bottle. She picked it up cautiously and sucked in a breath when she read the four words. 'Airstream, New Years Eve'


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry this took so long but I have a few very good reasons. I had jury duty for a whole week. A whole week! Anyway, then my sister made me a bet that I couldn't refuse. If I could take the first 10 songs that played on my iPod and put them in this story she would buy me a sushi dinner. And a double use counts for a chocolate martini, yum! Pay up, Sis! I hope the quotes from the songs don't take away from the story but I had to try. The songs are listed at the end. I included the following quote because I just felt like it was something that should be read by a lot of you and didn't want you to miss it. It's a good summary of how I think of the relationships between the guys and their women.**

_Good old ladies can make or break a club. But it seems equally true that a club can break even a strong old lady._

_An old lady gets all of the hassle of the club with none of the benefits. We have the luxury of brotherhood. All an old lady has is her old man, which doesn't provide any comfort when it's 2 am and he's out on a run._

_It's the worry and the loneliness that will break an old lady. I've thought long and hard about this and it always comes back to honesty. If you want an old lady, pick the right one and then confide in her._

_Trust, honesty, and love is the only glue that will keep you together and, more importantly, keep her together. You have to give her something real to hold onto when you're not there. (This was written by Fleur27 and used by permission.)_

The week between Christmas and New Years became her own personal Hell for Jessie. Saturday, she was full of hope for the future. Sunday she spent in bed, the only place where she could hide her confusion and despair from the world. On Monday, she emerged with thoughts of never seeing Happy again, but that only lasted until Wednesday. Wednesday was a good day; Wednesday was full of happy thoughts for the future. Thursday was not such a good day.

Jessie greeted Thursday morning with an odd mixture of love and anger in her heart. She loved Happy more than she ever thought possible, but she could think of fifty ways to murder him. Everyone, except Lyla, gave her a wide berth for most of the morning and even Whiskey kept a low profile in his corner of her office. She was deep into scheduling the next month of production when Lyla tapped on the door and came in.

"Are you still mad at the world?" Lyla asked her. "Should I have put on protective clothing to come in here?"

"Bite me" Jessie replied.

Lyla rolled her eyes and laughed at her friend. "Lighten up a little. You'll see Happy in a few hours and you can take it out on him." She cocked an eyebrow and winked. She laughed again at Jessie's sour expression and flopped down in a chair by the desk.

Jessie stared her down and tried to maintain her bad mood, but in the face of Lyla's eternal optimism, she crumbled and smiled at the perky blonde. "God, I hate you sometimes. Can't you just let me be mad for a little while? I think I deserve it, ya know."

Lyla waved her hand in dismissal, "Whatever. Shouldn't you be leaving soon?"

"I haven't exactly decided to go." Jessie replied.

"Say that again with a little more conviction and I might believe you" Lyla said. "Just go already. You know that's what you want to do."

"It's not that easy," Jessie said.

Lyla stood and opened the office door. "Yes it is, just quit over thinking it. And, by the way, there's someone here to see you. You should grab Whiskey." She waved to someone Jessie couldn't see and disappeared.

Jessie called the large dog to her and told him to stay as she stood and faced the office door. She smiled in delight when she saw Kozic standing there.

"Well, hello there Jessie Delaney." He took a few steps closer and pulled her into a friendly embrace.

Jessie pulled back after a few moments and searched his face for a clue about why he was in her office. She knew the intense bond that he had with Happy and his presence worried her. "What's going on, Koz?"

"I'm your escort, princess."

Jessie walked back around the desk and stepped over Whiskey to sit down. "I haven't exactly decided if I'm going." She paused and chewed at her bottom lip while she watched him take a seat in Lyla's recently vacated chair. "Did he send you?"

"Not in the way you're thinking" he replied.

"What exactly does that mean?" Jessie asked impatiently. "Stop it with the whole 'cryptic biker' thing you got going on there."

"I was instructed to make sure you got there with no else but me following you."

"I'm not stupid, ya know. I am able to spot a tail and I know how to be careful." Jessie crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair to glare at the man across from her.

"I know" Kozic replied, "That's why I came to see you. One of the reasons anyway." He continued before she could get a word of impatience out. "We need to talk about what you are going to find when you get there."

Jessie contemplated the man in front of her and scowled in annoyance. "Why does every single person I know just assume that I am actually going?"

"Because we know you love him too much to just desert him." He leaned forward and folded his arms on the edge of her desk. "Look, Jessie, I've known you for a long time, way before you met Happy, and I know the person you are. You're gonna listen to me and then you are going to get your ass in your car and drive to your man. No arguing with me; I'm warning you I am not above throwing you on the back of my bike and taking you there against your will."

Jessie decided against answering him and simply waited for him to continue.

"He needs you to get through this, to be free of it all. I know you don't understand all of it because we haven't told you some things. You have to believe me when I say it's for your own good."

"Look, Koz, I know that. That's not my issue. I know you both feel that it's in my best interest if I don't know certain things and I understand. I'm okay with that." She sighed and pushed her hair away from her face. "I just can't take the uncertainty anymore. Some days I feel like shit. Some days I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit. (9)"

He nodded in agreement. "I totally understand. I'm just asking you to trust Happy and me and go see him. He's been clean for almost two months and he's ready to come home." He met her eyes with a hard look and held them. "Whatever you need to say to him, he can take it. Don't spend your life shackled by the words left unsaid. Jessie, don't give up on the fight. (3)"

Jessie looked away from him and thought about what he had said. She thought about life with and without Happy, she thought about what she really wanted her life to be and she thought about what she was willing to do in order to get what she wanted.

Kozic watched the emotions play across her face for a few minutes before he spoke again. "He's lost some weight and he's pretty worn down. He needs you, Jessie, that's what it all boils down to. Nothing more, nothing less."

Jessie stood and took Whiskey's leash from the hook behind her desk and clipped it to his collar. "Fine, let's go."

"Do you need to go home and pack anything?" Kozic asked and held the door open for her to go through ahead of him.

"No" Jessie replied. "I'm sure that Lyla already took care of that. You could have saved yourself a lot of trouble and just ganged up on me with her. She was way ahead of you." She glanced around the outer office looking for Lyla. When she didn't see her she called out "You might as well show yourself. You win; I'm going so you can quit nagging me and worrying."

Lyla walked out of her office with a grin on her face. "Thank you. Now was that really so hard?"

"More than you know" Jessie told her. She slung her arm around Lyla and pulled her along with her towards the parking lot. "I'm taking Whiskey, but could you go by the house and make sure everything is turned off? And you might as well take anything you want from the fridge." Jessie could have gone on and on but she stopped at Lyla's expression. "What?"

"Just go already. I can handle everything else."

"Thank you, Lyla. I don't know how you put up with me." She loaded Whiskey into the back seat and turned to give Lyla one last hug. "You are one of the best friends that I have ever had and I don't know what I would do without you."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I never duck and run. I'm not built that way. (10)" Lyla said. "Now get out of here."

* * *

Jessie drove north with thoughts of Happy in her mind and Kozic visible in her rearview mirror. She waved good-bye to Kozic at the turn in leading to the trailer and drove slowly down the rutted lane. Happy was standing on the deck when the trailer came into view and Jessie kept her eyes on him while she parked and let Whiskey out of the back seat. She made her way slowly up the steps and came to a stop in front of Happy. She reached out tentatively to run her hands over his arms, shoulder and chest, reassuring herself that he was uninjured. He captured her hands in his and pulled her into his embrace. Jessie clung to him for a few moments, lost in the feel of him before she abruptly twisted away. She walked to the other side of the deck and leaned against the railing. "I am so mad at you and if I don't say this now I will surely break. (6)"

When Happy started to reply, she held up her hand to stop him and started pacing the small confines of the deck. "Do you remember how I told you that you couldn't hurt me?" Happy nodded in agreement and she continued. "Well, I lied. You can hurt me and that really pisses me off. I love you, I need you and that pisses me off." She stopped pacing and thought about what she wanted to say, "I'm trying to find the words to say. I don't want to be cliché. (1)" She paused and thought for a few moments before she continued. "I can't love a man that spends his whole life running; I just can't do that. I need you to quit disappearing from my life. In or out, you need to decide. I can live through either one but I can't make it here in the middle."

"Can I talk now?" Happy asked her.

"Go for it" Jessie told him.

"I can't and I won't apologize for the last year, but I'm sorry that it hurt you and I would take that part back if I could." He crossed the deck slowly, ready to stop if she wanted him to. When she showed no signs of resistance, he moved to stand in front of her, still giving her space but close enough to touch. "I can promise you tomorrow but I can't buy back yesterday. (7) If that's enough for you then it's all yours. I need you Jessie; I can't finish this on my own. When I'm losing my control you're the only one who knows; you slow it down. (6)"

Jessie watched his eyes as he spoke and she knew what it had cost him to tell her that. She knew from personal experience how hard it was to admit to needing another person and she knew how hard it was for him to put a voice to emotions. She knew all of these things but her own pride still kept her from reaching out to touch him. "Why did you wait so long to come back to me? Why here? Why now?"

"I sold my soul a long time ago but somehow you've bought it back for me.(2)" Happy inched forward, invading her space a little more, close enough to feel the heat from his body. When he spoke again, his breath moved the fine hairs around her face. "I didn't want you to see me the way I was. This is bad enough. You can thank Koz for it being tonight. I wanted to wait longer until I was whole again but he convinced me otherwise."

Jessie held stubbornly to her pride, refusing to take the solace that his nearness was offering. "Why here? Why didn't you just stay when you were there on Christmas?" There, it was out. The true reason she was angry and she had been unaware until she actually spoke the words. She was even unaware of her tears until Happy lightly wiped one from her cheek.

"These woods give me serenity, a place where I can hide. (4) This place is ours. My family has nothing to do with it and neither do the Sons. Besides you, the only one who knows about it is Koz." Without warning, he grabbed her by the upper arms and spun them so that he was the one leaning against the railing.

Jessie stood between his knees where he held her in his grasp. She finally let her pride go and twined her arms around his neck. She ran her hands from the back of his head, along his shoulders and down his arms. She was inspecting his hands when she became aware of his quiet laughter. She cocked and eyebrow at him in silent inquiry.

"You can stop looking for injuries. I'm okay. I promise." He laced his fingers with hers and leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "Kiss me, Jessie. This life is ours, we live it our way and nothing else matters. (8)"

And, just like that, she did. She kissed him and like every kiss since they had met they managed to say just as much without words as they had with them. Jessie forgave him and let him back into her heart and soul, even though she knew that she had never really put him out. Happy took the peace that she was offering and let it heal some of the scars on his own soul.

* * *

"Ya know, tonight is a blue moon" Happy said sometime later.

Jessie lifted her head from his shoulder to ask, "What does that mean?"

"It's the second full moon in this month. That won't happen again for almost thirty years. I was thinking we could stay out here and watch it come up if you aren't too cold."

"Aww, Happy, are you turning into a romantic?" Jessie teased.

Happy pushed her lightly away from him and said, "Just go get some blankets and I'll move the chairs into the clearing and light a few torches."

They made short work of their tasks and soon they were both settled in the chairs, warmly wrapped in the blankets with Whiskey at their feet. As the twilight turned to darkness, they talked of the past months, filling each other in on important events. It was stilted and hesitant at first but it didn't take long for them to find their way back to the way they used to be. Happy told Jessie about his brother Billy staying with the Tacoma chapter. He answered all of her questions about what happened while he was gone, even the ones that he knew would break her heart. He confessed everything to her and he let her heal some of the heartache. Jessie told him about how well the business was going. To him, she confessed her anxieties about being responsible for so many employees. She conveyed her fear of being alone and she finally admitted to feeling like she wasn't. She relayed all the messages that everyone had sent and she shared all the gossip that she could think of.

"I've missed this," Jessie said. She leaned her head back to look at the blue moon. "I wonder why they call it a blue moon."

"Missed what?" Happy asked. "And I have no idea why they call it a blue moon."

"Talking to you. Gossiping with you and getting your opinion on things. It's been so long that I almost forgot just how good we are together."

"I've missed this too." He moved to kneel in front of her, cupped her face with his hands, and just looked at her.

"What are you doing?" Jessie asked. His gaze was making her feel a little self-conscious.

"I'm just looking at you. It's been awhile since I've seen the way the candles light your face but I can still remember just the way you taste. (5)" He leaned in and captured her lips with his and kissed her.

So, the moon rose in the night sky and Jessie and Happy learned that life goes on.

**1. Officially In Love-Dirtie Blonde (now disbanded, but great while they lasted.)**

**2. You Needed Me-Anne Murray**

**3. I Know What It's Like-Shaun Mayer (you can find her on myspace music, she was on Nashville Star)**

**4. Serenity-Godsmack**

**5. It's Been Awhile-Staind (I used the acoustic version. Imported from Germany. If you ever get the chance to listen to this version you should. It's fantastic. The line I used is, IMO, the sexiest line in music.)**

**6. Look After You-The Fray**

**7. I'll Be There For You-Bon Jovi**

**8. Nothing Else Matters-Metallica**

**9. Where'd You Go-Fort Minor**

**10. Duck And Run-3 Doors Down**


End file.
